Code Monkey Happy Ninja Banana Surprise!

Absolute hilarious.

Get it here.

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Because I’ve got about five friggin’ projects in my head that are all needing my immediate attention 24/7 till they’re GONE – I’m a wee bit mental. And … unsettled. Can’t focus. And no, it’s not cuz o’ da coffee. Hell, that shit’s like water to me now anyway.

No – i’m afraid it’s just that I have too much in my head and I have to get it out and it’s always always always about some form of work these days and I’ve had zip zero nada time to really sit down, look myself in the mirror and do some internal discussion.

So guess what? TAG – the blog is it. I have to get it out somehow, someway, or I will very indeed explode. I know I’m once again close to breaking because I sat down last night to do some *more* work, and on a whim wanting to hear a fresh song I’d written 2 days prior, opened up Garageband and 2 hours later had another groove track. it’s that bad. In other words, my creative side is SO bottled up, I’m about to go outside screaming down the streets in my boxer briefs and skechers and call it a life.

Yibbidy hibbidy what’s that smell? No more cells to burn, they’re not here, only a couple of BBs rolling around in a box……

I am in that wonderful position of over-analyzing the past years major choice, and although I can guarantee you for the rest of life I’ll never return to what was unless some miracle occurs (and yes, they happen, I’ve seen them) – I will say this: there is much to appreciate from something stable in your life.

I’m. Not. Stable. Well… let me rephrase that, since that sounds so “oh gimme ma meds NOW dammit”.

What I mean by not stable is that I ebb and flow on a consistent basis. I go through spurts of creativity, then not, through days of organized labor, then not. I never fucking wake up at the same time everyday. I don’t really use an alarm clock. I just wake up. Or – better yet – I don’t go to sleep. I live. My body has a pretty damn good internal clock, and unless I’m exhausted, it freakin’ turns on the “fire alarm” in my head (in dreams – so cool) and I get up. Whether or not i get to shower that day is a different matter entirely.

But back to the point. I can say for a fact that marriage was/is cool. I know that for some people, it’s a really scary deal – but there’s really nothing to be scared of except yourself. Can you commit? Can you envision yourself years down the road? If so – you’re halfway there to that sort of relationship. If not – don’t bother. You’re not ready.

Can you overlook the little things and plug away at the big things? Awesome – then go for it. What the hell is the point of being in a solid dating relationship with that wonderful “what if” always hovering around if you can picture yourself wiht that person long term? Just do it. And don’t use the “not enough money for a ring (or a wedding)” shit. That’s just crap. Celebrate with friends, celebrate with family – that’s all that matters. The dress does not have to be white, the flowers don’t *have* to be that perfect color – you are not, at that moment in time – there to enjoy the thread count of the dress or the hue of the flowers as the morning sun comes glistening through the leaf-covered stained glass window looking out on a placid lake. You’re there to cherish a moment of stepping over the line with someone, hopefully in front of (and surrounded by) friends and family who care – who love you and want the best for you.

After that day – just take the honeymoon period for as long as you can – and when you know it’s done, recognize it and live with it. For THEN the realness of life together sets in and you can really have fun! Seriously!

What’s not to enjoy about looking across the dining table/coffee table/room and seeing a partner? Hell – and if it helps, view them as a partner in crime! Anything to say “we’re a team, let’s do this”. Make it you vs the world because frankly, many days it is. There are tons of people who hate seeing other peoplel happy. I’ve done it – and I know you, you and YOU’VE done it.

What can suck bigger than anything else in the world is knowing deep down, to the core, that however much you love someone, however much they rock in areas that you really dig and know and love, however much they’ve amazingly helped you out – no matter all that – you come to day that you realize it isn’t what should be. You realize that, great or not – the stability you’ve had must end and you must go down a different path. A separate path.

And it sucks because … you’re severeing something you planned to be permanent. You’re consciously cutting something that was bound. On both sides. You’re hurting in ways you never intended, never planned, never wanted.

So yeah – all that above? In my head – and driving me nuts cuz I can’t musically get it out these days since I don’t have my piano … because with stuff like that, it DOES take all 88 keys to explain those emotions musically, melodically, and discordantly.

Some day I hope to join another in a shared path in life – because to experience that once again, and – being honest with myself this time – know that it’s the path I’m supposed to be on, will be a fantastic thing.

btw – if anyone ever hears of someone having to make this kind of decision and relishing in it and being exhuberant to the point of being rude – well, I might suggest they did not really love the other in that case. Cuz I gotta tell ya – when it boils right down to it – I never wish to be in the position to have to make that decision again. It is so, not worth it.

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Super cool local bar video here.